Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
