I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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