The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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