So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
