Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How does it feel to date your dad?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
