I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
