That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
