apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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