im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My ass is underappreciated
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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