I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
