DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
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She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
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I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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