So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
