she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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