My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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