I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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