He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
