I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
