what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
