I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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