alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
