So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
