what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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