Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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