The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
