I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
