I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
