She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
