you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
