just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
