Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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