So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
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I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
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It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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