Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
