When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
