I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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