I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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