my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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