I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
