when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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