she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Can I color on your dick again?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
