Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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