I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
