My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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