Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We left the knife in your bed.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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