I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
