you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
