(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
