He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
