I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
