Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
COCAINE IS GR8
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
