i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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