I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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