In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
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She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
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Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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