If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
