if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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