Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
