just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
