Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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