If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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