Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
