Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
