i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
