You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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