I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
this just has baby written all over it
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize