i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
