I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There's always time for handjobs
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
