i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
