the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
