I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
