A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
