Welp...herpes.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
