Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
