It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
