All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You did what with his pubic hair?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
