Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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