is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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